Fanfiction Mayhem (fixed a small error with it)
by Aiko Tama
Summary: PG for language and slight yaoi conent... well, okay the pilots think Quatre is like that but he isn't. Every character is bashed a tad and everything is the same as it was.


Fan Fiction Mayhem  
By Aiko Tama  
  
Disclaimers: No I do not own Gundam Wing or anything there of. No copy write infringement intended. I own very little… a typing program and a computer that is worse then Apple! It is slow and messes up. If you really want that….  
  
About: Gundam boys and girls find a fan fiction site. It's supposed to be comedy. There is slight yoai and slight AU but pairings in the story line are somewhat regular. Like S+W, H+R, and D+H. Anyway, you'll see what I mean. This is rated for language and everything else as mentioned. I edited this myself and ran spell check a few times too many! If you find grammar problems, I am sorry. I tried to fix it! The fan fictions they read do not exist. Feel free to take the ideas, but most likely someone probably has already beat you too it. If not you are really lucky I happened along…   
  
I was aware that my Japanese is off... so... I changed Shinigami to Shinikami because Shinigami means "goddess of death " and shinigami is "God of Death". (Enough bull…. On with story.)  
  
  
Heero Yuy sat at his laptop typing way at his laptop, ignoring everyone else in Quatra's quarters. At least he wasn't with Relena, Duo thought. Lately he had been at her house too much. Duo Maxwell didn't want to guess why. Heero and Trowa Barton were the only quiet ones of the evening. Trowa nodded as Duo Maxwell spoke, "this is boring. Let's do something!"   
Hilde grinned interested, "okay, what is your idea?"  
"I don't know," he whined for another hour about boredom and Hilde wondered if he'd ever catch on to what see had in mind they could do….  
Heero finally spoke up. He was tired of Duo's bitching, "hey, check this out." He pointed to the screen on his laptop, "I found and interesting site." He grinned. Duo was beginning to wonder if that was a bad sign.   
"Okay let's hear it," Quatre was glad to do anything that would take away boredom, "tell us what you found." He walked over to Heero and looked over his shoulder.  
"Everyone come take a look," Heero pointed to the screen, but continued, "The fans of our show write little fiction stories about us. Interested in what they write?"  
Hilde jumped up from Duo's lap on the couch and started to read the story Heero was currently at, "Relena bounded into the room excited about her new pink shoes and her hair," Hilde groaned, "ick! Come on! Can't they write about something interesting? Why write about her ugly shoes? Does that sentence mean she got new hair, like as in a wig? Or just a new style?"  
Duo laughed, "Heero, you and Relena are real close like, right? Does she wear a wig?"  
Heero gave the classic I'm-going-to-kill-Duo look that made Duo hide behind Hilde screaming, "he's going to one day I know it!"  
"What are you talking about?" Hilde shrugged, "come on find another one. One more interesting."  
"Don't judge a story because of one line," Quartre grinned, "go on and read more."  
"Fine," Hilde skimmed the same fan fiction until, "how about this, 'Heero saved Relena again from the evil clutches of OZ and she was very thankful about it. So much in fact that she glomped Heero and pushed him to the bed and-."  
Heero put his hand on the screen blushing, "that's enough."  
"Come on! It was just getting interesting," Duo joked know full well Heero probably read ahead, being the   
fast reader he is....  
Hilde tried to remove Heero's hand from the screen with no success, "let me see! Let me see!"  
"No," he exited that fan fiction and skimmed down all the titles followed by short description until he found one that confused him, "what is yoai?"  
Wufei gave an uneasy smile. Since he knew Japanese fluently, he was the first to speak, "you don't want to know. Trust me."  
Duo glared at the pilot of 'Nataku'. "You'd know first hand what it is don't you?"  
"Injustice!" he spat as he took out his katana and waved it in the air and ran around chasing Duo with his sword posed, "I'm going to cut that braid off, kisama!"  
"We mustn't fight." Quatre stood beside Heero shouting at Wufei and Duo.  
"Take it back!"  
"Okay, all right! I take it back," Duo ducked behind Trowa.  
Wufei put his katana away, "make sure you don't say anything like that again."  
"Why hasn't anyone answered my question?" Heero glanced from Wufei's face to Duo's.  
There was a long moment of silence before Duo put his hand behind his head and innocently asked, "what question would that be?"  
"What is yoai?" Heero glared at him.  
Wufei sighed, "it translates as boys in love. If the author warned about yoai content… I'll let you guess what that means."  
Heero blinked, "okay…. Let's find another story shall we?"  
"No, read it." Quatre smiled.  
Everyone gave him weird looks. Duo inched away from Quatre and out from behind Trowa. "I do not want to know. I am not implying in any way that I have a question about what Quatre just said. I don't wish to know. Mental pictures are bad."  
Trowa cleared his throat and said, "maybe reading those isn't a good idea."  
"What you are defending the blond guy?" Duo gave him a quizzical look. "What you are his lover aren't you?"  
Trowa only shook his head. Heero said disgustedly, "moving on!" He skimmed the page down and grinned. "How does this sound, 'I waited anxiously for his arrival as I lit the candles one by one. I took a look at the bed. The sheets were recently washed and put on, so the smell of laundry detergent filled the air. It mixed with the slight scent of candles was intoxicating. He would be surprised, but it was about time she made a move in the right direction-."  
Duo rudely interrupted him, "who are we talking about here?"  
"You'll see. Now shut up and let The Perfect Soldier continue," Sally was suddenly beside him.  
"How did you get here?"   
"I walked."  
"Smart ass," he rolled his eyes, "I'm supposed to be the only smart ass around here. She's taking away the only thing that I have!"  
She grinned at the braided Gundam pilot, "the door was open and I let myself in. I was looking for Wu-baka when I heard Heero reading."  
Heero cleared his throat and continued as if nothing happened. "He was very busy lately and maybe what I had planned for him was going to be extra special. The poor guy. He wouldn't know what hit him. I heard the door creak open and sure enough it was him, the lean, dark-haired Duo Maxwell."  
"Okay, I am assuming the 'I' in this story is Hilde," he walked over and gave her a kiss.  
Heero coughed so that now one would know he almost laughed, "He called out my name in surprise, 'Relena!'"   
Duo made gagging noises, "that is wrong! Relena is supposed to be yours HEERO!"  
"At least she's off my back!" Heero grinned.  
Wufei smirked, "pay back is a bitch, isn't Maxwell?"  
"Did that yoai one say who was paired up?" Quatre asked suddenly.  
Heero looked at it, "yes…."  
"Who?"  
"The Wu-man and you."  
Wufei gasped, "injustice! You weak onna!"  
Quartre turned to Wufei, "what is an onna?"  
"Woman," Sally sighed, "calls me that all the time."  
"Probably even after sex, right?" Duo saw the evil glare she gave him and ducked behind Hilde. He continued to make fun of her, "they're sitting there getting it on, making all kinds of noises and when Wu-man's finished he shouts in horror, 'weak woman!'"   
Trowa, Quatre, Hilde, and even Wufei was laughing at Duo's comment. Heero just sat there as if nothing was said, "Trowa, can you take over with the fanfic reading?"  
Trowa nodded and looked at the screen. He pointed to a fan fiction. Hilde looked at it; "you want me to read it?" Trowa nodded. She sighed and read, "Oz had another leader, as if the whole Mariemeia incident wasn't scary enough. Treize Kushrenada II was now trying to get power."  
"Okay, so Treize has another kid or what?" Duo asked, "he must be busy! I bet it's that Lady Une! She creeps me out. For all we know she could be in his bedroom right now all in leather and snapping a bullwhip in the air, chanting, 'you're mine!' OF course followed by that evil laugh." He got weird looks, "hey she has two different personalities, why not three? Can't you picture her doing that yelling, 'you've been ignoring me all these years and finally I have you! Your mine you sexy bitch!' She all has him handcuffed to his bed. My point being maybe she's the mom. He didn't want to admit he liked it so he claimed rape. There was a whole new Jerry Springer Show before the court proceedings."  
Heero rolls his eyes, "a little bit too far the imagination now, aren't we?"  
Wufei sighs, "He had a daughter. Why not a son?"  
"Come on, get to interesting stuff!" Duo whined, "I wouldn't mind reading a fanfic about that."  
"Why not have me read a fan fiction about how you are obsessed with rubber duckies, bubble bath and Korn?" Hilde grinned.  
"I don't know what you are talking about," he hid behind Trowa again, "don't look at me look at Heero he's obsessed with bon-bons!"  
"Not to mention playboy magazines in your Gundam," Hilde went on, loving the fact she was making him nervous.  
He gave her a weird look. "Y-you've been in my Gundam?"  
"Yes," she smiled, "I was worried when I saw Elmo Sings Along tapes until I found out they were taped over by Korn, Metalica and all that other shit you call music. Then I came across your playboy section," she shook her head at that and making disapproving nosies.  
Wufei groaned, "injustice."  
Quatre whined, "you taped over my Elmo CDs?"  
"Nope," Duo whistled innocently, putting his hands behind his head, "There's nothing wrong with Metalica or Korn! And what the hell makes you think I have an obsession with rubber duckies?"  
"You have only a hundred thousand of those damn things," Trowa spoke up, "I found a couple in the bathroom and threw them away. Next day I find another in the bathroom, three in MY room, two in the refrigerator, where the milk is supposed to be, twelve in the Deathscythe Hell Custom and not to mention Hilde found one in the cereal!"  
"You have not been in my Gundam!"  
"Remember I borrowed it. Heavyarms was self-detonated. You said I could borrow yours."  
"Oh, yeah…."  
Wufei grinned, "so, it is true."  
"Your addicted to that rice wine crap!" Duo tried to defend himself.  
"You can't get addicted to Sake*."  
"Nor can you get addicted to rubber duckies and if any of you throw any of mine away I'll hunt you down!" He gave a psychotic look and pointed a finger at everyone in the room. His breathing was heavy, suddenly producing the one of the duckies in question. He squeaked it twice.  
Heero let out an insane laugh and he tapped his gun, "sure. Try it."  
"Things you learn about your friends…." Sally groaned, not wanting to know any details.  
Hilde grinned, "let's check out another fanfic before this gets too out of hand."  
Heero sighed, "good idea. Next we'll probably find out the REAL reason why Quatre wants to read that yoai fiction. That wouldn't be good."  
"What's wrong with yoai?" Quatre asked.  
"See what I mean?" Heero traded places with Trowa.  
"I want to know!" Quatre demanded.  
Duo latched onto Hilde, "you touch me, she's going to whip your ass! Unlike Sally she is not weak!" He got an evil look from Sally Po, ignoring it he said; "don't you dare touch me!"  
Quatre frowned, "you think that I want to read it is because I am gay?"  
"No shit, Sherlock!" Duo yelled, "why do you think the guys are all afraid of you now, Winner!"  
"I'm not. I'm okay with that, as he doesn't come near me. If he does he will meet thy doom with my katana!" Wufei grabbed the handle of it, still in his sheath.  
"I am not gay!" Quatre defended himself.  
"Sure you aren't," Duo frowned. "What about your obsession with flowers and rainbows?"  
"That doesn't make a person gay!" Quatre looked, for the first time, like he was going to kick someone's ass. He fist were clinched at his sides as he glared at everyone in the room. This is odd for the Pacifist pilot....  
Duo wasn't sure what to think. Quatre, a guy who is afraid to say the word sex or anything pertaining to it, was defending his sexuality.  
Sally put her arm around the blond Arabian. "Winner, your sexuality doesn't matter. They are just scared of what they don't understand. If you want to talk about it let me know."  
"But I am not gay." He groaned, "what, do I have to show you my diary and all the stuff I've written about Catherine to prove that I am not gay?"  
"Catherine?" Sally looked at him weird, "you like Catherine?"  
"He's fallen straight to the bottom on how much he thinks he loves her," Trowa put in. "My sister doesn't take to him like that, though."  
Sally felt a little sorry for the guy, "I'm sorry we all thought you were a homosexual."  
"What you expect that to make me feel better? I am not gay, why does everyone think this?"  
Duo let out a sigh of relief, "well, you guys go ahead with the fan fictions. I'm going to go take a bath." He walked into the bathroom.   
The sound of water running came as Heero looked at his computer screen, "shit!"  
"What?" Everyone said in unison, all except Duo who was enjoying the luxuries of the bubble bath.   
"While you guys were debating young Quatre's sexual preferences the Internet disconnected me. Meaning I have to reconnect and hack back into that site," The drones of the modem was heard, surprisingly over Duo's fourth chorus of, "Rubber ducky you're the one. Rubber ducky" and Korn blaring in the background.   
Heero typed away at the keys. "Access is denied," the computer said in a monotone/robot-like voice with a warning window.  
"Fuck you!" He typed some more. Once again the warning came.  
After the twelfth time, Quatre got annoyed with it and pushed Heero off the seat. He typed. This time the voice said, "Access is granted. Have a nice day." He got out of the seat and motioned for Heero to go back to what he was doing.   
"Some computer whiz you turned out to be," Trowa put in.  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Duo screeched as he ran out of the bathroom in just a Pokemon towel.   
Everyone turned toward the horrified Duo. Hilde tried to hide a giggle at the towel. Boy, he's dreamy without the priest shirt; she tried to avoid thinking. "What is it Duo?"  
"My-my…. The shampoo is gone!"  
"You mean you got the urge to Herbal?" Wufei grinned. "I used it up yesterday." Stroking his sleek hair, "I am sorry."  
"Mr. Duck isn't happy with you!" He pointed a yellow, soapy rubber ducky at Wufei, then mournfully walked back into the bathroom saying something about using the cheap brand.  
Wufei shrugged, "well, back to the fan fictions please."  
Heero, still butt hurt about the temperamental computer. So, he let Quatre read in one condition, no yoai. Being the anti-yoai guy himself, he really didn't want to hear about any of that.  
"Okay. How about this one, its titled 'Relena's gift.'" He waited for an answer. After a bunch of nods, "Relena was nervous about seeing Heero again. He didn't seem too happy after his mission and on top of that, she had some news for him that he most likely wouldn't be happy about. She paced, waiting for his answer to her phone call. She asked him to come. It was important. He grumbled about how he might miss something he was expecting to hear about developments of the rebel forces. After OZ's defeat, there were still those who were still loyal to OZ, who formed little rebel forces. That was a threat. Relena knew it but her news was more important. It would have more dramatic effect on Heero then anything OZ could come up with. She told him this. He agreed, threatening her that he'd cause bodily harm if what she had to say wasn't good. How could he be so cruel to her? Especially after those long nights of…." Quatre nearly choked at the next word, "sexual glory. He was nice and loving then. Why not now? She had to tell him something that would effect what the rest of her life held." He looked at Heero questioningly.  
"Go on," Heero encouraged with his cold stare.  
So, Quatre did, "Her pacing grew more anxious as more minutes passed that Heero was at her side. Her thoughts darkened at every possible reaction to the news. All of which were bad. Suddenly at the peak of her nervous, Heero entered her room. 'What is it?' he demanded. His tone was the same bitter one he used after he ripped up her birthday invitation years ago. 'Heero,' Relena replied in a soft shakey voice. 'I don't know how to say this but blurt it out. I am pregnant.'" Quatre gasped, then realized it was just a fanfic. He continued nervously, "She watched as Heero's stone gaze turned shocked. For the first time she saw fear in his eyes, but it lasted only a second before he grinned, 'well….' Relena winced and waited for him to threaten death like he did after the ripping of the invitation. Maybe he would go as far as whipping out his shiny, metallic gun, but instead he whispered, 'I love you, Relena.' 'What?' she blinked. He repeated his words before adding, 'you have just made my day.' His grin wasn't the crazy I'm-going-to-kill-you look. It was sweet." Quatre turned to see Heero's reaction to this.  
"They know me way too well."  
"What do you mean?" Quatre asked. Heero had just sparked curiosity in Quatre.  
He grinned, the same sweet grin the story was talking about, "It did actually happen that way."  
"You mean Relena told you she was pregnant?" Wufei gasped.  
"Not just told. She is six months along. I thought you knew?" His smile vanished as quickly and as unexpectedly as it came.   
Sally shook her head, "none of us did."  
"I bet she didn't tell you that we were to be wed a month from today. Why do you think I was at her house a lot lately? I was planning a wedding!" He laughed insanely at everyone's shocked faces. He decided to take advantage of the opportunity. "What do you think, Relena Yuy or Heero Peacecraft?"  
"I am keeping my own name," Relena suddenly appeared at the door with her swollen belly. "I'd be honored if you took the Peacecraft name."  
Everyone gasped including the Perfect Soldier. Duo even did when he came out of the bathroom once again with the Pokemon towel, minus the screaming. He dropped the rubber ducky. Then he grinned, "you mean I am going to be called Uncle Duo soon?" He was glancing at her belly.  
"Uncle Duo?" Heero frowned, "I thought you hated kids?"  
"Only stranger's kids. Not friends' whom are practically family! And why not Uncle Duo? Hell, Uncle Trowa, Uncle Quatre, Uncle… er… Aunt Sally, and Aunt Catherine and don't forget the beautiful Aunt Hilde!"   
Hilde rolled her eyes and stood in front of Duo. She ripped of his towel, rolled it up and gave him a smack with it, "go get dressed."  
Everyone had his or her head turned away. Heero groaned, "please!"  
"But I want to work on a little one to be called Daddy Shinikami!" He disappeared with a grin. His voice was heard from his room, " I am Daddy Shinikami!"  
"Not yet you aren't!" Hilde called back.  
"Well, you are going to have to fix that!" she ran into his room swatting him some more.   
  
  
I for one thought the ending was cool! Shinikami RULES! Yes, I make fun of my favorite character a couple of times (that is the understatement of the century!), so I figured that it was fair, since I made fun of about everyone else. I am sorry about that. I am also sorry to all Catherine and Quatre fans out there that I had him have a crush on her. I couldn't think of anything else to say. If there is any jokes you don't get on here or anything you don't understand R & R and leave your email address. I'll do my best to explain. Well, I never planed on a second chapter. This is what was supposed to be an end. I guess I could continue it. I have an idea if I decide to. (key word is being "IF"). Let's say I do decide to…. Then, I have to finish the story I am working on now, first. I'll think about it in the meantime: thank you, Minna! Please review!  
Aiko Tama glares at the braided Gundam pilot: What? You have another question….   
Duo: Are you crazy?  
Aiko: Yes. I am glad you asked that. You try finishing this story on caffeine induced wakefulness! All fanfic writers are crazy to write what I read, but I mean no offense why that.  
Duo: Why are you kissing ass?  
Aiko: I am not. That is absurd. I am saying what I feel!  
Duo: You are probably there pushing your nose between 'em cheeks and giving them a great smooch!  
Aiko: If you weren't my favorite character I'd kill you.  
Duo grinning and imitating Aiko's smooch: brown nose all the way!  
Aiko whispers off set: Okay now Heero!  
Duo ducks behind Aiko. Aiko smirks: I said I wouldn't kill you. Never stated anything about Heero….  
Duo watches Heero edge closer with gun posed: Okay, call him off! I'll be good.  
Aiko snaps fingers and Heero is gone: Cool trick huh?  
Duo rolls eyes: One other thing…. SHINIKAMI RULES!   
  
*Sake is pronouced Sock-E. The sentence above it discribes what Sock-E is... but if you are lazy to do that I'll tell you again, rice wine. 


End file.
